Gosh, I don't know if it is having a 2-year-old this Christmas season or the reflection over the year we have had, but I am overwhelmed by the magic of Christmas...
I think these past few months have forced me to slow down, and breath in all the beauty of this world. When tragedy happens and you start to come out of your 'dark place' there is this sense of gratefulness of what you do have. I don't know how to explain it, but I find myself enjoying the simple and pure moments with my family and my children. I am one of lists and busy schedules. I enjoy purpose in a day and thrive with a plan. I think when tragedy strikes, no matter what the shape or form, it helps you clear the fog, loosen up the reigns a little, and enjoy what you do have. Maybe I sound like a Hallmark card- ha - but that's the only way I can describe how Pete and I are feeling.
I would be kidding to say celebrating Christmas knowing my family will forever, physically, be separated is easy. It is a tough, tough pill to swallow. It really bites, but man-oh-man, I'm telling you little Ms. Harper just snaps me right out of that funk. I'm telling you- Christmas with young children is out of this world cool! May seem crazy, but I am completely overwhelmed by Harper's utter wonderment in the 'beautiful lights' she calls them EVERY time we see Christmas lights, her jaw wide open as she saw her first snow covered trees this past week, and the magic of Santa... it all is so unreal. I am happy to slow it all down just to enjoy the excitement and pure joy she has in all that Christmas is. It helps to have her through the tough stuff- I'm so grateful.
With that being said, this past week has been a do-sie for Pete and I. I don't know what my deal was, but last week I was a nervous wreck over little Maggie. I don't know why it was this particular surgery that got me... you would think I would be used to the needle pokes, various diagnosis, setbacks, and the roller coaster of it all, but for some reason I was just sad. I just had had enough of the crazy this little baby has endured and went into a bit of shutdown mode... I just couldn't handle watching her be intibated again as I knew how much she hated it. I couldn't handle knowing she had to go through another rough patch. Her little body just didn't need anymore. I know how bad that sounds... I should toughen up and be the momma she needed, but it was a rough one for me. Seeing your baby awake with bright eyes and cooing and then the next like this- intibated and not moving- ugh... it was rough.
Even though Mommy went kicking and screaming, Maggie did wonderfully through the almost-3-hour surgery and the doctors felt confident they had stopped the issue happening with her eyes- amazing! Oddly enough, with the little ones, the harder part is the recovery. Anesthesia takes them down and it can take days or weeks to really wake up. So, the days following her surgery we spent as much time as we could with her talking and reading to her, but her body was so stressed from the procedure that she wasn't tolerant of light, noise, being touched... really anything. Again- I had a hard, hard time.
And then Sunday came.... Ms. Maggie woke up and was madder than a red hornet. She no sooner opened those peepers than she tried ripping that tube out of her throat and kicking like crazy. After doing this for the better half of a day it was decided she was probably ready for that tube to be taken out;). With Daddy by her side, she went from madder than heck to completely calm as they pulled the tube out- love! Harper and I just happened to be there as well, so with Maggie awake, we brought Harper to her bedside. Harper chatted with her for a good while and Maggie turned her head and just stared at her- it is one of the most beautiful things to watch. Harper rubbed her hand and kept saying, "You're ok, Maggie. I'm right here". Love these sisters!
Needless to say, since Sunday, this little girl hasn't touched much of her bed. We have Ms. Maggie right back where we want her- nestled in our arms- cooing her heart out;)
What a whirlwind but we feel back on track and enjoying all that is getting ready for Christmas. We wish you a WONDERFUL Christmas-Prep Week;). We hope you all are enjoying the magic that is this time of year...
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