Angels on Earth....

Angels on Earth...

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you about the incredible group of people whom I never thought I would meet; never thought in this life I would have the need to ever cross their path.  These people are an elite squad that I consider angels on earth.  They are the individuals that work in a NICU...

When I found out I was having triplets, I did my Mommy-to-be Duty of checking out the hospital I would be delivering at as well as 'tour' the NICU as I knew more than likely my little ones would spend some time in there.  The tour was nice, but I saw only the door of this place they called the NICU.  I was told this is where the sick and tiny ones go, but unfortunately we would not be able to tour the inside of it.  I thought nothing more about this "forbidden to the public" place and just hoped our visit would be short....

Little did I know the magnificence of such an area of the hospital.  Yes it is off the beaten path of a hospital, but for good reason... these people save the lives of tiny humans countless times.  Little humans who have no immune system, can't tell them what hurts or where the owies are, and who honestly, aren't meant to or expected to live in this world....

These people spend at least 12 hours a day doing everything in there power to save a life, over and over again.  You ask how they do it and always the first thing they say is "I get to know them and who they are, then do everything in my power to keep them happy, comfy, and growing big & strong".  They care.  They care about the little baby they're caring for and they care about their situation just as much.  They take the time to meet parents, grandparents, friends, whomever they can and they make it their job to teach each of us all about our little one, answering our countless questions about their life in the NICU.  

Through this journey I have met so many wonderful people.  We've been at 3 hospitals so far and each one of them has left me in awe of the caring, loving, and unwavering strength they have to help these little ones defy the odds.  These little ones aren't expected to live and yet they fight for all of us- they help miracles come true every day.  Beyond that, they see the bug-eyed, scared-to-death parents (like ourselves:)) and they spend hours just talking through anything and everything to make us feel better....

Today, I was left speechless when one of Maggie's nurses came to us saying she had a surprise.  She pulled out a Halloween costume for Ms. Maggie that she had purchased with her mother over the weekend at Build-a-Bear.  Side note: yes my daughter did fit perfectly in a costume made for a stuffed bear;).  By honestly, my eyes started to well up as I just was taken aback by her thought to do that for us.  She took the time to gingerly put it on Maggie and help us take some pictures.  She knew we needed a fun moment with our little one after a tough weekend and it just meant the world to us....

So, I say all these words.... when really I just want to say THANK YOU.  Thank you to each and every one of you who before all this was just a stranger.  You are an amazing group and you touch people's lives in a way that is unexplainable.  Thank you for believing in our children, loving & supporting them when we are unable, and for truly being angels on earth.... the impact you have made on me leaves me speechless.  Thank you.

An Overnight Hiccup

We are learning this journey with Ms. Maggie is a roller coaster.... this week was nothing short of that.

Last week was amazing: Baby Girl was able to get off the ventilator, had a few wonderful poopy diapers, and began breast milk feedings through her feeding tube.  So many big milestones for our sweet baby!  She was chugging along so beautifully- we were cautiously optimistic, but so enjoyed these exciting moments with our little one.

As the week wore on, she enjoyed a couple new comforting moments:

Called a nummies in the Lee household... baby girl discovered a pacifier and LOVED it!  She would suck away on it, gripping it with her hand with all her might- so cute!

Ms. Maggie and Daddy enjoyed their first cuddles together.  They seemed in Heaven.  Pete had been so nervous to hold such a small, sick, and fragile baby; but with Maggie putting some chunk on lately he felt confident he wouldn't break her- silly Daddy ;).  He did wonderfully and Maggie seemed to genuinely love her time with Daddy... he is a very well-loved Daddy in this family- I think Harper and Maggie will fight over their cuddle times with him soon enough- or just cuddle him together- sounds Heavenly to me!

All in all it was a great week.... and then Saturday came.  Maggie was starting to show signs that she was struggling and her belly became bigger than usual.  Pete and I both felt like she was just having a tough day; she was struggling more than normal so our radar was up a bit.  During both of our visits her heart rate kept dropping and she was struggling more and more to bring it up.

Needless to say, she had a few more scary occurrences last night where she just couldn't bring her heart rate up on her own so it was decided to re-intibate her.  The reason is still a little unclear of why her heart rate went down, but for the time being they are going to hold off on her breast milk feeds and just let her rest.  After the crazy GI issues we have already had with her, we are ok with that.  She was given blood and just put back on the previous path of waiting until a dye study can be done to see what's going on with her bowel.  Their hope is that she will only need to be intibated for a few days, but we're just grateful during her scary night there were things they COULD do to help her be ok- what a blessing.

This is a little hiccup in the road, but we're grateful our baby is almost 8 weeks old!  She is a trooper and continues to defy the odds and just keeps on kicking.... God Bless you, Baby Girl!

This is a big week for us... we feel so blessed that we have come this far with Maggie, but have the difficult day of laying our other babies to rest during the graveside service for our little angels, Jack & Nora, this coming weekend.  This week I would have been 32 weeks pregnant with the babies; the week that our doctor had anticipated me welcoming our little ones into this world.  It's a really tough pill to swallow knowing I will be saying goodbye to my babies in this world rather than welcoming them into it.  Ugh... 

When I start feeling that way, all I have to do is pull up the adorable video of Maggie sucking the life out of her pacifier or take a look at Harper's goofy face as she bursts with excitement in anticipation of her first year to Trick-or-Treat;).  This mama is so blessed to have 2 precious girls on Earth and angel babies in Heaven.... that's whats important- right?

Happy Halloween Week to all of you... I hope you enjoy the time with your little ones:).  Thank you for your continued kindness and support of our little family.  I know we have some tough days ahead, but are so grateful for the strength you have given us to get through it- thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

A True Miracle.... Truly

Oh man... I simply open this window to type and I am already crying.... crying tears of joy in just how amazing this day has been...

deep breath... oh boy, do I have a STORY to tell that actually begins last week:

Last week, on Thursday we were told that Ms. Maggie had what is called an air leak.  Air was escaping around the tube from the ventilator that was helping her breathe and they just needed to replace the tube with a slightly larger one to prevent that air from leaking.  They felt like this would be the next step... give her a couple weeks to rest, as she just wasn't quite strong enough to take her off the ventilator....

So, with this news, of course I wanted to hold and cuddle her before they replaced the tube.  As with every procedure I get nervous of the unknown... I keep thinking maybe my nervousness will become less during this journey, but then I think nope- welcome to motherhood- pretty sure I'll worry about my kiddos as long as I'm their Mommy;).  

Well folks... this is the also the LAST picture of she and I cuddling intibated on a ventilator....

The next day they asked Pete and I to step out of the room while they replaced the tube.  I tried to eat, Pete tried casually talking with me as he is fully aware of my nerves, and nothing was working... the procedure was taking WAY longer and oh my GOODNESS I was in a full sweat when her doctor walked out to get us...

Maggie had decided through dropping her oxygen and heart rate very significantly during the tube replacement that she wanted to be EXTIBATED... oh yes, baby girl just said ENOUGH to the ventilator and is breathing all on her own.  Pete and I just starred bug-eyed at our little 2 lb fighter.  We weren't alone in our awe over Ms. Maggie.  She had 3 doctors, respiratory therapist, and nurse just starring at her in amazement in how well she was doing- breathing on her own before they ever thought possible...

 "Look Daddy, I did it!"

Sweet girl couldn't take her eyes off Daddy after her big day... 

Here she is with the oxygen going into her nose.  She gets that boost, but working those lungs is all in her control!  The tube from her mouth is still there going to her belly until she starts to eat, but one less tube sounds good to us!

Just a little sisterly chat.....

The next unbelievable moment came when the 'girls' got to chat for the first time.  The nurses are so incredible and have done all they can to help us have some happy moments together as a family during our time in the NICU.  On Sunday, they lowered Maggie's bed, brought over a chair, and had Harper sit next to Maggie so she could see her.... it melted my heart to watch Harper hop up and just begin talking to her sister like it was totally normal....

Harper told her all about Cinderella and the other princesses, showed her all her stickers, talked to her about her nummies (aka: a pacifier), and other adorable things while Pete and I just stood back with tears in our eyes... our girls were beginning their relationship and our family of 4 was all together- what more could we ask for?

Little did I know what today would bring....

Maggie had begun over the weekend to show 'spots of stool'.  I am sorry if I offend anyone with my poo talk, but when you have a baby with a very very sick bowel, talk of poop EVER coming from her is an amazing thing;)....

Before I begin this, I have to tell you that just LAST week they were having some tough conversations with us about her very sick bowel: she had suffered two perforations to her abdominal wall and they just were not seeing movement of her bowels... things were not moving which is not healthy.  They felt that she would definitely need a dye study to see where the blockage was that was allowing things not to move and would probably need a surgery to fix that problem area.  I was so very worried of them opening her up, but just kept thinking... God will carry her through this in whatever way needed- He had already done so much this far....

Today they did yet another routine x ray of her belly to see how her bowel was doing...

and oh what a picture it was....

the words "no evidence of bowel obstruction" the Radiologist typed on the picture said it all.

Not only did baby girl have healthy gas sounds, she had movement throughout her entire bowel.  The problem areas, although they may be narrowed, were allowing air and substance to pass through.  To follow that beautiful picture, Ms. Maggie produced a diaper full of poopy ALL ON HER OWN!!!!

Oh man I wish there would have been a camera when the team of doctors shared the news.  They were all smiling so much it was just unbelievable.  The tears welled up in my eyes and I just couldn't figure out what to do other than throw my arms up in the air and say "Thank you, God!  Way to go, Maggie".  I went right to her bedside and just expressed through teary eyes how proud I was of her... and then helped change her first on-her-own poopy diaper.... amazing.  It was so funny to see the doctors; their faces were so happy and they just kept saying, "this is unbelievable".... this baby went from having a slim hope of a healthy bowel, to seeing there is a chance.... a true miracle.

the icing on the cake has been this face we are getting more and more....

SMILES!!!

Baby girl... you have given all of us more than one reason to smile.  You truly are the strongest person I have ever met.  Your fight and will to make it through the toughest of situations is amazing.  I love you and am the proudest Mommy.... you are a fighter and I am so very blessed to call you my daughter.  

God, thank you for showing yourself in the true miracle that is Ms. Maggie.  You are strengthening the faith in our little family so very much- it is unbelievable to see how you have brought our family, friends, and people we barely know together to support us through this journey....

Fall Break with Anna AND Nana!

So yes.. I am a little late on the posts this week because a couple special people decided to visit!  Aunt Anna had her Fall Break last weekend and decided to spend it with us and meet Ms. Maggie for the first time!  Well we got a BONUS with that trip as Nana decided to come as well- whohooo!

It was so great to see them and I have to say- I couldn't WAIT to show off Maggie... I know I say it often, but it is just amazing to see what doubling her weight has done for her- it's so wonderful.

So, we packed quite a bit into a short weekend trip but it was so worth it...

Harper's first 'train ride' at the zoo- pretty much her most favorite part- ha!

Side note: this momma was in the beginnings of a cold and was starting not to feel the greatest, but Daddy and Harper REALLY wanted to go to the zoo, so of course we all went and yes... I may have whined about it just a smidge, but thought this is important to them- suck it up.  We enter the zoo and hop on the train to head to where the giraffes are (ALL Harper and Daddy really wanted to see), when the conductor comes on the speaker saying, "Park will be closing in 30 minutes.." Oh my WORD if you could have seen our faces- ha!  I was laughing so hard as of COURSE we had just arrived and it was closing early- ha!  Needless to say, it was a rushed zoo experience (my cold and I were slightly relieved;)), but hopefully we'll be back soon to see those giraffes!

Even though Maggie wasn't with us, it was just as if she was... every time I see a tiger I think of our sweet baby and the "roar" she has;)

A partial family pic;) 

...someone has discovered JUST how much fun it is to be on Daddy's shoulders!

Anna is OFFICIALLY in pre-nursing at Ball State- whohooo!!!  I was pumped for her to meet the incredible staff at Children's... the facility here truly are amazing and I swear every time I am there I just know it would be a perfect place for my sister to work!  She has an unbelievable way with babies, children, and people in general- quite a gift if I do say so myself and I know she would be an amazing asset to any hospital... hope one day I get to visit HER at work in a NICU;).

So, 'Nurse Anna' was able to help bathe and dress Ms. Maggie for the first time!  What a fun afternoon spent together... was so happy she was able to be there for these special moments;).  Really feel like my little angels have helped my sister see what a gift she has... means so much!

Thank you Nana and Aunt Anna for an incredible weekend!  You both are so special to our family... I think Harper's squeals and Maggie's calm and happy weekend show you how much these girls love you- thank you for meeting us in St. Louis;).

A Day to Remember....

National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today, Tuesday, October 15th is a day to remember those babies taken from this world all too soon.  At 7pm it is asked that everyone light a candle for those mothers and families who have lost a little one to create a 'wave of light' in remembrance of the lives lost...

I know that I will have two candles lit not only for my little Jack and Nora, but for all those families who have grieved the loss of a child.  We were blessed to be able to spend some incredible moments with our children and I cannot help but think of those who did not get that chance.  I hope that somehow they will find strength and peace with the image of a world filled with the soft glow of light in honor of the little life taken all too quickly.... I know that the light of these little ones is now eternal, but somehow the image brings me great peace.

This day comes with perfect timing in our little journey.  I will speak candidly when I say I have had a few rough emotional days... I am finding it difficult to move on past the little miracle babies.  It's interesting, you wake up each day and have these brief moment of feeling happy to begin another day... and then the rush of emotions and sadness overcomes me.  I try to shake it when I get the 'good morning hugs' from Harper, when I look over and see my sleepy husband so strong and supportive, but geesh- some mornings I just cannot get the feeling to go away.  It came to a head yesterday when I found myself making funeral arrangements; making grave stone selections rather than those for a triplet nursery.  This isn't what I had planned, not what I wanted, not what I ever dreamt would be a part of our family....

But then, after getting ready for the day, dropping my little angel off at school, I come hand in hand with Pete to see the miracle we do have: Ms. Maggie.  Even in my saddest moments, it melts my heart and puts a smile on my face to see her so full of life, gripping my finger, and looking up at me with those big blue eyes.  Life is good.... I have her, a crazy supportive husband, and an energetic, happy toddler... they somehow bring me out of the dark moments and help me remember the beauty in all of this...

Tonight I will light my candles to remember the light of Jack and Nora.... their light is forever in our family and although I am sad, I know that they are in a better place- for that I am happy- you both have provided tremendous light to our family- we love you baby angels...

Family Time!

This past week I ACTUALLY left Ms. Maggie for a couple days and went home to visit with family.  It was wonderful to be back home since it had been about 5 months since my last visit: nothing like home made dinners, time with my sisters, and relaxing in my childhood home- love that;).... not to mention the time Harper got to spend with my parents and her aunts- she was having a nice time!

Meanwhile, Pete decided to spend those couple days with Maggie since he was back in Bentonville the beginning of the week working.... oh yes, I was CONSTANTLY pestering him for updates and pictures while I was back in Indy- it was SO bittersweet being away from Lil' Miss!  Daddy seemed to enjoy is quiet time with Maggie- here is an adorable shot he got of her!

At 2 1/2 years old Harper attended her first Homecoming football game!  Go Golden Eagles ;)!!!

She loved the time on Papa shoulders, the band, the amazing 'dancers' aka:cheerleaders, and oh ya... watching the boys in helmets, "Why do they keep falling down, Mommy?"  Ha!

Princess Cinderella

Harper wanted to basically eat, sleep, and play in her dress!  So fun!  I was personally very excited she loved it as last year she wouldn't put one arm in her costume- total fail!  Happy to say she is loving everything Cinderella this year- looking forward to Trick-or-Treat this year for sure!

Thank you Nana for all the time and effort you put forth to produce this gem- we LOVE it!!

My Little White-Knuckled Girl!  

They were taking her IV out and she was NOT happy- crying without any sound coming out.  I jumped at the opportunity to help- she squeezed my finger so tightly... I know she was mad, but thank you Ms. Maggie, for making me feel needed!

Pumpkin Patch with Daddy!

Oh yes... we did the a round 2 of the pumpkin patch so Daddy could see how great it was... what a beautiful day for pony rides, climbing toys, and of course some pumpkin swiping!  Good family day;).

So... we are so grateful for a good week and weekend!  I know Daddy felt good to get back in the office and Mommy felt just as good to get back to her roots for a couple days;).  Maggie has recovered well from her PDA ligation and is looking bigger to us each day- love her!!  

Thank you, sweet girl, for kicking back and relaxing for a few days- we enjoy the quiet moments with you so much!

Beauty in the Face of Tragedy

Oh man... what a month this has been.  It has been a roller coaster in the dark... it is filled with peaks and valleys and you never know which moment will be next....

I know I have spent many moments in quiet reflection: some of these in a fog questioning everything amidst tears of grief and sadness, while others praying for the gifts God has bestowed on our family.  The pain, sadness, and maddening feelings I have felt are sometimes overwhelming.... I want clear cut answers as to why this has all happened to my children and family.  Why did I have to look at them, barely touch them, and just watch them through their scariest of moments... knowing I couldn't fix them.  It is a heartbreaking thing to watch your children pass away and to face tough moments, feeling weak while trying to be strong for their Daddy at the same time.  I definitely have many of those moments, but through many deep breaths, a strong hug from my husband, and the comfort of prayer I have found myself focusing more and more on the beauty in this situation....

We certainly have grown closer as a family: Pete, I, and Harper as well as the relationship we have with our parents and siblings, and even extended family has grown beyond what I thought possible.  It has been an amazing sight to see us all bond together, leaning on one another to comfort and help to pull each other through... 

Beyond that, our friends and even perfect strangers have been unbelievable.  It's as if God knew this would be tough on us and he pulled beauty from everywhere to help us.  I can be having a really tough day and receive a beautiful text, call, or message of caring just at the right time...amazing.

I miss my babies each and every day, but these photos are just s sprinkling of the incredible blessings we have received.  It shows us the impact our little 1 lb 4 oz angels had on this world...

a pumpkin carved for our little angels... love the beautiful light shining through;)

Thank you, Rebekah & Jason

Being asked to go to a pumpkin patch to have some much-needed fun with new friends during an especially tough day.... LOVE YOU, HARPER!

Thank you, Anderson and family for all the laughs!

The opportunity for Ms. Harper to attend preschool while I am at the hospital... an incredible blessing!

Thank you, Leslie! 

I can keep going and going... I am continually humbled by all that everyone has done- it's unreal the support we have... thank you for all the blessings you ALL have been to us.

Our little munckin' is 1 month old and doing well!  She is a fighter.... Pete and I do our best to support, love, and encourage her to keep on fighting.... but we know for a fact we wouldn't be able to do that if we didn't have YOU all supporting, loving, and encouraging US to keep on going....

So... here I am, right by Maggie's side loving these quiet moments with her.  She, Jack, and Nora have taught me so so much about what is really important in life.  I look differently at the quiet moments, see the beauty and peace in spending more moments with my family, the importance of friendships, and appreciating those around you... even in the tough moments.  Jack and Nora, I wish every day I didn't have to lose you both to feel those things, Maggie, I wish you didn't have to be so sick to teach me that, but man... you three have affected me in ways I never knew... I am blessed to have been your Mommy.  

 I hope to share with Harper and Maggie the magnificence of this time in our family's life... all the beauty in the face of tragedy...

I'm a BIG Sister ;)

Big Sister, Harper.  She likes to be referred to as such- ha!  I know I have spent time telling the stories of the birth, the babies, and how Pete and I are throughout this journey, but I noticed I have left out one very important piece... strange as she has been so important through all of this, shame on me!  Harper has been truly amazing and such a powerful source for Pete and I through everything....

When faced with tragedy it is so easy to get caught up in all it is and you almost struggle to see past it some days.  I truly had moments when I would just think, how can I keep going through these tough times... and then I would take a look at Harper being her crazy, beautiful, full-of-energy-and-happy self and I knew exactly... she needs me to keep on truckin'... 

I promise I will always be right here for you, baby girl- I am Mommy for goodness sake;).

This little girl has had her world messed up, changed, and then changed again over and over and over again and is just incredibly resilient.  The last few months of pregnancy were tough on me and we started having a sitter to help keep Harper entertained each afternoon so I could rest.  Harper welcomed Ms. Ashley and Ms. Lois with open arms and I appreciated that so much.  Then, when the babies suddenly came much earlier than expected she tolerated bouncing between our wonderful friends' homes, grandparents, and hospital visits seeming unscathed by all the chaos and sadness around here.  Then things really changed when we moved to St. Louis and she went from being home with me to daycare at the hospital, to full-time preschool.... all with a smile on her face and unchanged energy.  I am just constantly in awe of the resilience and happiness she has within her- you're amazing, sweet girl.  

'The Older Lee Three'

a partial family picture taken a week after we welcomed the babies:)

"Good morning!  My name is nurse Harper.  I fix baby Maggie!"

I loved hearing her say this to herself in the mirror after she received this adorable costume.  She makes me so happy to hear her talk about her baby sister.

Pumpkin Patch Day with a new friend, Anderson!!!

A fun day at the Magic House... I would TOTALLY recommend to any family here in St. Louis.  It is an incredible children's museum.  Although a funny picture, she was pretty scared of the static machine... she preferred working on the cars;)

...and of course playing with Daddy;)

Even though there are so many tough days, this little girl continues to remind Pete and I how important family is.  We have had some incredible moments with Ms. Harper through all of this.  It has brought us so close as a family: we have had the opportunity to explore a new city together, spend time in happy and sad tears together, and truly lean on each other- even a 2 year old- for comfort and support....her hugs are the BEST.

I want to end this post with one of the best moments of this whole journey... 

This is a picture of our beautiful baby boy Jack.  We lost him at just 3 days old, but were able to share that bittersweet day with our families... and surprisingly, Harper.  We sat with Jack for quite a few hours after he had passed, to allow our families to meet him, but had decided it would be too much for Harper to see her baby brother in this state... instead we took pictures of him with Pete and I that we could share with her when she was older....

Little did we know, God had other plans that would be way more beautiful...

Harper happened to walk by the door where Pete and I were with Jack.  Pete was videotaping at the time and just so happened to get on video one of the most surreal moments:

Harper saw us in that room and wanted to see Mommy & Daddy so we of course let her come in. She walked right over to get baby brother and said, "That's baby brother, Jack."  She looked up at me, as I was holding Jack, and then put her hand out and gently patted her brother, not scared at all of how sick and small he was.  We had some of his things in a small box that was open on the table: she grabbed a small bear and brought it to Jack before patting his head.  She told me he was sleeping and that she loved him.  I was speechless as the tears welled up in my eyes.  Our baby girl knew from the moment she met him, that was her baby brother.  She was so gentle, kind, loving, and pure with her actions... it was one of the most unbelievable things I have ever seen.  She loved him so much and just gave us an incredible moment as a family... the video is unbelievable and hope to share that with her someday.

Harper, you are am amazing little girl.  Thank you for all the beauty, energy, and happiness you have brought to my life... especially throughout the past month.  Thank you for being so understanding of my scattered emotions and broken heart.  You have single-handedly brought me up when I was at my lowest by grabbing my face for "kiss hugs".  I am in awe of your resilience and love for your family and siblings.  Listening to you talk to them while you play melts my heart.... please never hesitate to talk to them- they will forever be your brother and sisters no matter what separates you.  Thank you for showing me what pure happy is- Love you munchkie'.  Mommy

I am Maggie... Hear Me Roar! ;)

Margaret "Maggie" Cloe Lee

Born September 4, 2013 at 4:13pm

1 lb 3 oz and 10 1/2 inches long

(Maggie was first to be transported to NICU so we were unable to get a picture of her right after she was born like we did with the other two.  Here she is with her "goggles" on to protect her eyes from UV light used to help her with jaundice)

Oh Ms. Maggie... I have dubbed Katy Perry's song "Roar" your theme song as little girl, you have shown everyone what you are made of and are truly not afraid to let people hear you "roar".  From the moment you were born, you have been a fighter!  You continue to awe me each and every day with the amazing amount of fight in you.  Whether it be your rockin' stats despite illness, beating the odds, overcoming crazy sickness, or just showing us and the nurses how feisty you are- you never cease to amaze me and I love you so much for that.

You are a beautiful girl... perfectly round little face with curly reddish hair, and big blue eyes- you are stunning.  Your features are so very different from your brother and sister- you are truly you're own person although I know you gain your strength from those little angels looking down over you.  I know it may be scary to be in this big bad world without your partners in crime, but know they are ALWAYS with you, baby girl...

Maggie was Baby B in-utero although she was the first born of the trio, dubbing her Baby A from there on out.  She was the baby along my side and was always the "feisty" one as I called it.  In pregnancy you're told not to lay on your back and if you can tolerate being on your left side, it is the best to help with blood flow and digestion.  Well, Ms Thang was the baby on my left side, and she let me hear about it if I ever laid on that side... ha!  I should have known what a window I had to see her true personality- I tell you, this girl is a fighter.

All 3 of the babies had significant brain bleeds due to being premature and going through the c-section surgery and 30-minute transport so soon after delivery to the NICU.  Jack sustained the most severe brain bleed which he sadly did not survive, but Maggie also suffered significant bleeding.  She has a grade 4 brain bleed on the left side of her brain and a grade 3 on her right side (grade 4 being the most severe).  Because of this, she was very delicate from birth and we knew could possibly develop developmental impairments because of it.  I remember the doctor sitting down to talk about this with us, it was a little tough to hear of the ailments and restrictions she may see in her life: cerebral palsy, blindness, speech impairments, etc... were we ok with these as possibilities?  

Pete and I knew that disabilities was a risk of carrying multiples as premature labor leads to a higher risk of disabilities so we had talked about it... we seemed to agree that if God allowed us to be parents of these little ones, we would do whatever we needed to do to give them the best life possible.  If that meant adjusting to their needs we were all for it ... so we answered the doctor with of course- just continue to be open with us please about what Maggie's journey looks like so we can prepare as much as possible...

Her brain bleed continues to be the issue for Ms. Maggie, but she also had a bowel issue early on called a spontaneous bowel perforation.  Spontaneously her bowel perforated in a spot allowing fluid and air to escape from inside the intestines into the abdominal cavity.  The day we found out about this, was another gut wrenching moment.... the attending doctor came down to our room at the hospital and said her abdomen was growing and filling with fluid.  They weren't real sure the cause, but believed it would probably be best to let her go, as it would not be something she could come back from, especially with the significance of her brain bleed.  Pete and I were devastated as we followed him up to the NICU to see our little girl and learn a little more about what happened.  Her stats looked so good: heart rate & blood pressure steady and lungs doing well considering how little she was... was there anything we could do?

Well, we learned that they could put a drain in to see if the fluid and/or air could drain from the area, relieve the pressure in her belly, and then they also would test to see if it was a bacterial infection (like what had taken her sister Nora).  They had to call around to see if there was a surgeon in the area willing to do a procedure on such a small, young baby.... Pete and I just sat in that NICU praying someone would be willing to help save her life- we just weren't able to give up quite yet.

I have to pause and say THANK YOU to Pete and the amazing team at Willow Creek for allowing us to push and get a little help for Maggie.  I was a mess that morning, trying to stomach losing another baby, but Pete held it together, asked the right questions, and really had conversations with the medical team that helped save our little girl's life that day.... I am forever grateful to him for that.  Thank you for being the very best Daddy... these babies are so incredibly lucky. 

The unbelievable team at Willow Creek just made phone call after phone call to find a surgeon willing to operate and they found one- we were in shock and amazement.  I almost jumped into the surgeon's arms when he came in that day.  After successfully placing the drain, he spoke briefly to Pete and I and was on his way... like a true guardian angel looking over our sick little girl that day :).

Through the next week, baby girl stabilized and her drain was working to relieve that pressure- PRAISE GOD!  We had a few more scares in those couple weeks, but she ALWAYS bounced back.  She ended up having a second drain put in, but we learned that although the drains were working, she really needed surgery to repair the bowel perforation.  This was not something they could do there, we needed to go to a hospital with a pediatric surgical team.  The doctors again went to work talking to pediatric hospitals with transport teams close by (in Arkansas and Missouri) to see if they would take Ms. Maggie.  After seeing and hearing her story, St. Louis Children's Hospital agreed to send a transport team by plane to get her.... another true miracle.

On September 20th, baby girl took her first flight... one that would truly save her life and bring her to a place where she would be with those speciality doctors that could give her the best chance of survival.  

Now, I need to pause again and thank the truly AMAZING doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, and all at Willow Creek and Northwest Medical Center who helped, fought for, and were our babies' advocate those first couple weeks.  You all are unbelievable at what you do.  Thank you for believing in our children and stopping at nothing to give them the best life possible.  You are the most respectful, loving, courageous, and kind group of medical professionals Pete and I have ever met.  We consider you angels on earth and you will forever have a special place in our hearts... thank you for fighting to get Maggie where she needed to be.  So bittersweet was that day we walked out that door of the NICU.  We left with lumps in our throats and our hearts a little heavy- we love you and will be back soon:).

So, here we are now at St. Louis Children's Hospital.  This is Ms. Maggie's room:

Two Notes

1) yes there are A LOT of machines for such a little baby- lol.  They keep her kickin' so we're cool with it :).

2) The blanket over her issolette is to keep light out... she is no longer jaundice so she doesn't have the UV lights on her and the natural light is stressful on her brand new little peepers;)

Speaking of peepers... here are her beautiful baby blues ;).  Ever since she has had her eyes open she has been looking all over.  The babies were born so early that their eyes actually weren't open yet... hers opened a couple weeks ago and she has been taking in this world ever since- hehe!

The past couple weeks have been amazing... and she has undergone her first surgery, a PDA ligation, to close up a valve coming from her heart that will only make her stronger and healthier before the procedure on her bowel in a few weeks.  She is growing bigger, stronger, and healthier each day.  This place is incredible and all seem willing to help "fix" our baby girl- we are so grateful!

Maggie... thank you for being you.  You are so different from my other children and I love you so much for that- you will forever keep me guessing and I know always strong.  You have defied so many odds... you are kicking butt and taken names for sure!  I will tell you each and everyday how very proud I am of you.  You are an incredible little lady.  I know you have an amazing amount of strength within you, but I also know you're pretty "tight" with two amazing little angels who help give you the power you need to overcome so much.  Jack & Nora: continue to watch over your sister.  I know she will miss you both forever yet feel forever bonded and close to you- you guys are the Lee Three forever and ever.  Maggie: keep your roar... it's your best quality.  Love, Mommy

A Beauty Named Nora

Nora Kathryn Lee

Born September 4, 2013 at 4:15 pm

1 lb 4 oz and 11 inches long

Oh what a pretty baby girl: beautiful olive skin, and curly dark dark hair... Harper's mini-me for sure!  It's funny, you reminded me so much of Harper each time I saw you on the ultrasound and then when I met you it sealed the deal- you look and act just like your big sister.  I know you guys have a special bond, as I hear Harper "talking to you" constantly when she plays.

Little girl, thank you for being all about the cuddling and allowing me to be such a part of your life in those 11 days: changing your diaper, "holding" you, massaging your hands and feet, constantly tucking you back in meant the world to me... My favorite was our late night talks.  I guess I did most of the talking;), but I swear I could have sat and talked to you forever... you were always so content you helped me sleep a little more soundly those first few nights.

Nora was Baby A in-utero.  She was always nestled up nice and tight and laid right on my cervix those past couple months.  She didn't move around too much (tight quarters prevented much of that;)) and was the most low key of the bunch; always shy of the ultrasound.

It was this little girl that "got the party started" on September 4th.  She decided it was go time and actually tried to be birthed on the way to the hospital... crazy girl!  She was delivered by c-section but did suffer a bit of bruising on her face from being "stopped in her tracks" in the birth canal.  Although Baby A in-utero, she actually was birthed 2nd, making her Baby B.  They had to deliver Maggie first so they could scoop Nora from her position in the canal... all happened so smoothly.  Nora was actually the only one that really got sound out when she tried to cry... another fighter for sure;).

 In the first few days, Nora did so well.  She was sick just like her siblings, but nothing super crazy or urgent happened.  She did receive a chest tube at one point for a collapsed lung, but bounced back and was just trucking along.  In that first week she even began "feedings", getting a teeny dab of breast milk, and was tolerating it well- I was a proud Mommy.

The nurses that worked with her those first couple weeks were AMAZING.  Since she was the most stable of the bunch, I was able to interact with her which meant the world to me: I changed her first poopy diaper, massaged her hands and feet (which she loved- made me so happy;)), and "held" her.  It was so funny to watch her; the others loved to be swaddled up, but not Nora... I think it was from being so curled up in-utero, but she always wanted at least one arm and one foot sticking out:

(the coloring is from the UV lights for jaundice)

I loved getting to know her little personality.... she really tugged at my heart strings each time she would wrap her fingers around my pinky finger and squeeze so hard.  She was usually the girl I sat by when we would visit: she seemed to respond so well just to me talking with her- love her.

We had a great 2nd week with her.  We were over the hump of the first week and she was settling into her new NICU routine.  Her sister, Maggie, had a scare that Tuesday when her bowel perforated and we thought we may lose her so our parents made the trip back down to Arkansas to be with us.  Maggie pulled through miraculously but everyone hung out for the rest of the week just to spend time with us and the girls- it was wonderful.

On Saturday, the grandparents and Uncle Andy decided to head home as both girls were doing well and stable.  We hugged them goodbye, dropped Harper off at a friend's house, and went in to spend some time with the girls when the gut-wrenching feeling returned with some devastating news....

Nora was sick.  Very, very sick with what they suspected was a specific bacterial infection called NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis).  This is an infection that unfortunately cannot be stopped in babies as young as she and just devastates their system- it is just too much for them to bear.  We were heart broken.  A couple tests were run to tell us for sure if it really was NEC so we opted to find care for Harper through the night and spend a night at the hospital with our baby girl as we awaited the news.  

Early that next morning, on September 15th, their suspicions were validated and Pete and I prepared for another tough day.... We armed ourselves with the camera, took a deep breath, and went in to spend the last moments with our baby girl.  I was able to actually hold her as she passed away and it meant the world to me.  She was still breathing, heart still beating like crazy, and they placed her on my chest.  What an incredible moment to feel her little body curl up on me so warm and cozy.  As they unplugged the ventilator she was one she just laid there so peacefully for 2 hours until her little heart decided it was time.  It was a beautiful moment spent with Pete and the Monsignor from our church... he was able to baptize her and everything.

Being able to spend those 11 days getting to know her was amazing.  I always thought this crazy connection with her... I don't know if it was God's way of helping me feel like I got to "mother her", but being able to be so part of her care was unbelievable and a treasured memory for sure.  It's like He kept her tolerant and beautiful... her death was relatively short and painless- I appreciate that so so much... very little suffering which means the world to me.

Baby Girl.... you are a beauty.  I know I told you every day, but I still wish every night that I could sit and talk with you like I did those first couple weeks- what can I say, you're a good listener.  I appreciate so much you hanging on for as long as you did.  You knew from our talks, I was so heartbroken not being able to spend the time with your brother like your Daddy did, and you just knew I needed the moments with you... love you for that.  You're an amazing fighter and I know you would have always had the biggest heart.... thank you for being such a large part of mine- I'll miss you each and every day, but love knowing you're up Their keeping your brother company... you guys be good- I love you...Mommy

A Super Hero Named Jack

Jack Michael Lee

Born September 4, 2013 at 4:17pm

1 lb 3 oz and 10 1/2 inches long

Oh goodness, baby boy... you are so handsome.  I love this picture of you... you look so fresh; beautiful skin, snug as big in a rug, hand all curled up by your face, and I can even make out your eye lashes.... what a beauty, baby boy!  

You were the smallest of the bunch as far as how petite your features were, but your strength and energy surpassed the girls by far.... you showed us all your feisty, energetic personality from the get-go.    We were all smiles watching you kick your blanket off, wave your fists around, and be incredibly full of life- it was amazing to see from such a small little guy!

Jack is one of our triplet babies, the only boy, and also the one we believe that sent me into labor.  This little guy had spent the past 9 months wiggling all around.  He had SO much energy and I would watch my belly move all around as he would show me and his sisters just how excited he was...

Well, this energy seemed to have gotten him in a bit of trouble, as we learned during delivery, he had the cord wound very tightly around his neck and abdomen.  It took the doctor a little while to gingerly remove the cord from his neck.  We were told afterwards that he was actually suffocating inside of me and it was probably the stress he was under that sent my body into "go-mode".  We honestly may never know, but I like to think that he knew he was in trouble and all he wanted to do was meet his parents and sisters.  He passed that word onto his sister, Nora, who was Baby A and she got the ball rolling by trying to exit as quickly as possible... these 3, I swear, will always have each other's backs no matter what.

So, because of the cord situation with Jack he struggled from the very beginning.  Doctors struggled to get him to keep his temperature up and we learned he had a significant brain bleed that caused him to be pretty discontent.  Unfortunately I was recovering at a hospital separate from the NICU where the babies were, so Pete was my eyes and ears at the NICU.  I am so VERY grateful he was able to spend as much time as he was with them, especially his son- man Pete was ecstatic from the moment he knew Jack would be coming and he more than anyone needed that bonding time with his only son.

Pete spent the time with the babies, learning all about them.  Their differences, their similarities, as well as the health conditions of all.  He captured amazing videos of each of them during their first day of life and wonderful still photos I hope to have framed one of these days... I treasure those since I was unable to see them until they were 2 days old.  

All of the babies were so small, but little Jack was the sickest of them all.  He had problems from the very beginning and the neonatologist let us know he was worried about him.  On Friday morning things started to look glum and I decided to discharge from the hospital I was at to be there with Jack and meet the girls.  I am so happy for that as I got to hold his little head, cup my hands around his head and feet to "hold" him.  He was so precious, but oh-so-tiny- it truly took my breath away.

We were blessed with an amazing NICU team that allowed Pete and I to stay in a hospital room downstairs so I could recover in a hospital bed and Pete could have a cot.  Being just a floor below our little munchkins meant the world to us.  Harper stayed at our home with both sets of  grandparents and we spent those first few days admiring our beautiful babies- I will be forever grateful for that.

Early Saturday, September 7 we received the phone call that made our heart sink.  "Please come up to be here with Jack- things are not looking well".  I just started to shake and cry... Pete wheeled me up to that NICU and was if time stood still: I just kind of broke down as I saw the nurses and doctor all around him as they gave him epinephrine and blood... keeping his little heart beating until we could be there to say goodbye.  

Ugh, I tell you it is a gut-wrenching experience to watch your child pass away, but the beauty of knowing we got to meet him, feel his hands squeeze our fingers, and see the amazing life inside of him made us the happiest of parents.  

Our little guy was truly a superhero: not only did he overcome a bad situation in-utero and allowed us to meet him, he also kept kicking so that all of his grandparents could meet him, and within an hour of him passing, most of his aunts and uncle got a chance to hold him- unbelievable.  As I have mentioned before, being wheeled into that OR I never thought I would have the chance to meet my little babies.... in the first 72 hours I learned so so much about each of them: especially Mr. Jack...

Baby Boy... I loved you from the moment I knew you would be mine.  You should have seen your Daddy's face when the doctor proclaimed we would be having a boy- I'm so glad I have that moment on video.  You and your sisters are true miracles.  Thank you for fighting... fighting through a triplet pregnancy, fighting to meet us, and fighting to let us spend the special and amazing moments we got to spend with you in our 3 all-to-short days with you.  You are a true super hero... and an angel in Heaven that I cannot wait to meet someday.  I Love You Sweet Boy and will miss you each and every day... Mommy