Beauty in the Face of Tragedy

Oh man... what a month this has been.  It has been a roller coaster in the dark... it is filled with peaks and valleys and you never know which moment will be next....

I know I have spent many moments in quiet reflection: some of these in a fog questioning everything amidst tears of grief and sadness, while others praying for the gifts God has bestowed on our family.  The pain, sadness, and maddening feelings I have felt are sometimes overwhelming.... I want clear cut answers as to why this has all happened to my children and family.  Why did I have to look at them, barely touch them, and just watch them through their scariest of moments... knowing I couldn't fix them.  It is a heartbreaking thing to watch your children pass away and to face tough moments, feeling weak while trying to be strong for their Daddy at the same time.  I definitely have many of those moments, but through many deep breaths, a strong hug from my husband, and the comfort of prayer I have found myself focusing more and more on the beauty in this situation....

We certainly have grown closer as a family: Pete, I, and Harper as well as the relationship we have with our parents and siblings, and even extended family has grown beyond what I thought possible.  It has been an amazing sight to see us all bond together, leaning on one another to comfort and help to pull each other through... 

Beyond that, our friends and even perfect strangers have been unbelievable.  It's as if God knew this would be tough on us and he pulled beauty from everywhere to help us.  I can be having a really tough day and receive a beautiful text, call, or message of caring just at the right time...amazing.

I miss my babies each and every day, but these photos are just s sprinkling of the incredible blessings we have received.  It shows us the impact our little 1 lb 4 oz angels had on this world...

a pumpkin carved for our little angels... love the beautiful light shining through;)

Thank you, Rebekah & Jason

Being asked to go to a pumpkin patch to have some much-needed fun with new friends during an especially tough day.... LOVE YOU, HARPER!

Thank you, Anderson and family for all the laughs!

The opportunity for Ms. Harper to attend preschool while I am at the hospital... an incredible blessing!

Thank you, Leslie! 

I can keep going and going... I am continually humbled by all that everyone has done- it's unreal the support we have... thank you for all the blessings you ALL have been to us.

Our little munckin' is 1 month old and doing well!  She is a fighter.... Pete and I do our best to support, love, and encourage her to keep on fighting.... but we know for a fact we wouldn't be able to do that if we didn't have YOU all supporting, loving, and encouraging US to keep on going....

So... here I am, right by Maggie's side loving these quiet moments with her.  She, Jack, and Nora have taught me so so much about what is really important in life.  I look differently at the quiet moments, see the beauty and peace in spending more moments with my family, the importance of friendships, and appreciating those around you... even in the tough moments.  Jack and Nora, I wish every day I didn't have to lose you both to feel those things, Maggie, I wish you didn't have to be so sick to teach me that, but man... you three have affected me in ways I never knew... I am blessed to have been your Mommy.  

 I hope to share with Harper and Maggie the magnificence of this time in our family's life... all the beauty in the face of tragedy...